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August 29, 2026
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I Actually Do Have A Substack And It's Not This Website :-(
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Fucus Zosteroides
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How To Solve The Stock Market
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And That's Why It's Called Cubes
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Time For The Tirthankaras
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The Collected Letters Of Gertrude Hemken
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Why Do The Characters In Plays Yell
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Focus On
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This Website Is My New Substack
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I Swear It's True This Time
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All 64 Syllogisms Of The Fourth Figure
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What If I Have Logorrhea
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Consider The Two Cats (An Essay About Two Cats)
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The Curse Of Skull Mountain
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It Looks Like I'm Just Related To Woden By Marriage I Guess
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I'm Wasting All My Profitable Daily Doofus Ideas On Instagram
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My Controversial Opinion About Pronouns
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The Glitterings of the Non-Gold
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Last Names That Are Just Normal Words With Extra Letters
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What Is Lypia?
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Vorpal Sword
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There Should Be A Moby Dick Book For Every Animal
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The Book Of This And That
January 6, 2024
TV And Real Life Are Different
December 16, 2023
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November 18, 2023
I Used To Have Homework
October 21, 2023
Monthliness
September 30, 2023
The Extraordinary Power
August 31, 2023
Let Us Now Deceive The Masses
July 22, 2023
"I Am So Confused Right Now"
June 21, 2023
The Domain Of A Count Or Earl
May 29, 2023
I Totally
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April 25, 2023
Breaking News
March 26, 2023
The Balloonist Manifesto
February 16, 2023
Where.
January 17, 2023
My Post About Mouth Cereal
December 19, 2022
The Question Of What Is Memory
November 6, 2022
Skill As A Musician
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Crit
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HORRORS Of The JURASSIC
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No I'm Not
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The Opening Of The Gate
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An Open Letter To Ken Burns
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My New Logico-Rhetorical Invention Or Discovery
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Twist Ending
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Where Is My Sea-Cave
February 28, 2022
Now You Can Buy My NFTs or Whatevers
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How Did You Get Such Good Email Addresses
December 19, 2021
Everyone's Asking Why I Screamed In My Sleep
November 23, 2021
I
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October 25, 2021
Agree With This
September 19, 2021
Secrets Of Passwords
August 31, 2021
Take Turns
July 26, 2021
Sent
June 28, 2021
You Can Live At My House
May 29, 2021
Schranz's Law Update
April 22, 2021
Cereal Trump FDA DD General Specific Growth and Form
March 22, 2021
Escape By Rupert Holmes Is A Good Song
February 21, 2020
What Do I Need
January 24, 2021
Role Model Award
December 30, 2020
Let's Give Everything The Same Title As Each Other
November 11, 2020
Stop Saying That
October 11, 2020
I Beg Of You
September 21, 2020
Ultimate Level
August 23, 2020
Problem Alert
July 24, 2020
Pillagers
June 14, 2020
Realms
May 1, 2020
The Joke's On
Me
April 1, 2020
I
Blew It
March 22, 2020
Guess Who's A Descendant Of Woden
February 18, 2020
Stop Pretending You Disagree
January 20, 2020
Statistical Essay On Dreadful Topic To End Decade
December 27, 2019
What Is This, An Obstacle Course
November 23, 2019
I Think I'm Starting To Get It
October 13, 2019
"I Don't Trust Like That"
September 22, 2019
Now What Am I Going To Do
August 25, 2019
Nobody Wants To Send Anything
July 10, 2019
I Admit It
June 18, 2019
Rock Band Follows Sound Poetic Principles
May 18, 2019
Where's My Money
April 15, 2019
Know-It-All
March 24, 2019
Every Magazine That Has Bought My Fiction Is Still In Business
February 9, 2019
Congrats
January 5, 2019
World Peace Stratagem
December 1, 2018
The Airplane God
November 17, 2018
There Are Only Two Possibilities
October 15, 2018
Why Did He Do It
September 23, 2018
Look What I Found On The Ground
August 26, 2018
Excerpts From
Numchucks Club
July 17, 2018
Gobble Them Up
June 10, 2018
No One Cared About My Story
May 7, 2018
People Don't Like Jeffrey Lewis As Much As They Claim To
April 29, 2018
Baudrillard, Translated From Gibberish To English
April 18, 2018
Venture Into The Realm Of Dreams
April 3, 2018
What Does A Word Mean
March 10, 2018
They Are The Same Melody
February 26, 2018
"Digital Finger"
February 3, 2018
"Bigfoot" Sighting
January 29, 2018
Coincidence Or Nah?
January 4, 2018
Wrong, Wrong, Wrong
December 9, 2017
What They Got Wrong About Depictions of Fish
November 12, 2017
A "Surf" Down Memory Lane
October 28, 2017
Career Move
October 9, 2017
How To Tell If It's Wrong
September 18, 2017
Gelatin Silver Photo Eat
August 27, 2017
Teenage Bitmap Gallery
July 29, 2017
Curse Babbler
June 10, 2017
The Priests Of The Geese Or The Prousts Of The Goose?
May 31, 2017
Do Curses Work Against People Who Dox/What If I Get Doxed
May 21, 2017
"I'm A Man Of My
April 18, 2017
I'm Allowed To Go On A Media Blintz
March 4, 2017
The Obverted Arch
February 6, 2017
Should I Do It
January 21, 2017
Door Closer Naming Contest
December 21, 2016
Schranz's Law
November 21, 2016
Chum Salmon Moon
November 13, 2016
Let Me Go As My Father
October 26, 2016
Inauspicious Be The Number Seven
September 25, 2016
Book Of Good Germs Problem
August 21, 2016
How To Learn About Canopic Jars
July 15, 2016
Crime Of The Valedictorian
June 5, 2016
Buy My Ancestry
May 21, 2016
Uh-Oh
April 9, 2016
Unsolicited Opinions About "How Billy the Conqueror Took Back the Greenwood"
March 14, 2016
How To Nab A Ghoul
February 6, 2016
I Zazz Up Your Microwave Instructions
January 3, 2016
Your Online Guide To Coin Trickery
December 5, 2015
Let's Play Verticalizer
November 8, 2015
Problem
October 26, 2015
Let My E-Seer Guess Your Birthsign
October 9, 2015
Zero Out Of Zero Stars
October 2, 2015
Finally, A Wetland Questionnaire
September 22, 2015
Escape From My Maze
August 22, 2015
Pronoun Stuff In Grimm's FTs
July 31, 2015
POV WTF
July 6, 2015
Sprinkles Will Wreck Their Kites
June 19, 2015
The Tale Of Oliver The Waggon
June 3, 2015
Flight Of The Fifty Fancies
May 24, 2015
Book Reviews
May 13, 2015
Totem
May 1, 2015
B-Movie Plot Generator
April 25, 2015
Mouth Of Ooze Monotype
April 22, 2015
Digital Cake Taster
April 16, 2015
I'll Have The Web Ring
April 13, 2015
Гиперссылка пожалуйста
March 18, 2015
National Capitals Cheat Sheet
March 13, 2015
Jonathan Franzen's Interview With Lillet Fernseed
March 4, 2015
I Don't Think People Use The Internet For What I Think They Use It For
February 27, 2015
Behind The Scenes
February 21, 2015
Top Twenty One Dictionary.com Example Sentences
February 13, 2015
Ask The Expert
February 7, 2015
How Did This Thorn Get In My Bed?
February 3, 2015
Seven Rejection Letters
January 19, 2015
An Inversn
January 8, 2015
Synopsis of Peter Jackson's
Hobbit III: Infinite War 3D
January 3, 2015
How Many Fiction-Clams Have I Acquired?
December 15, 2014
Sartor Resartus
November 30, 2014
I Can Watch Forever
November 23, 2014
Gigantic Herb Museum
November 13, 2014
Thirty Festive Tips For Living Near The Woods
November 4, 2014
A Spaceship You Go On
October 27, 2014
I Lied And The Cars Believed Me
October 18, 2014
All The Goals
October 9, 2014
A Mushroom Came Out Of My Desk
September 6, 2014
The Cat And The Dreams
August 28, 2014
The People I Tailgate Relentlessly Are Far Too Mysterious
August 8, 2014
Big Deal Alert
July 19, 2014
What A "Mist" erious Game
June 24, 2014
Thank You All For Your Overwhelmingly Inexhaustible Emails
June 16, 2014
Haunted House Diagram
June 11, 2014
Let's Set Some Ground Rules
June 1, 2014
The Curse Of Kehama Turns Four
May 26, 2014
The Pain
May 12, 2014
How About YOUR Tweet?
May 9, 2014
I Don't Know What To Tweet
May 2, 2014
Why Do They Always Have To Say It
April 20, 2014
Buy My Trashy Fiction
April 2, 2014
Bhaigan Bharta
March 26, 2014
"The Elephants' Adventure"
March 10, 2014
Lounge Lizard
March 7, 2014
This Website Depicts An Idealized Version Of Me
March 1, 2014
Step By Step February The Twenty-Third, Two Thousand And Fourteen Instructions
February 24, 2014
This Whole "Sell Your Novel" Fad Isn't Up My Alley
February 19, 2014
M.O.O.Y.O. A.K.A. D.I.Y.
February 6, 2014
North Korean Tourism
January 11, 2014
Don't Bother With Internet Explorer
January 7, 2014
Experimentations Upon A Post
January 4, 2014
New Year's Problem Medley
January 4, 2014
Venery In The Court Of Nicholas
December 21, 2013
I Appreciate My Readers; May I Ask Them A Favor?
December 9, 2013
Useful Buddha Quotes
November 25, 2013
FAQ About "It Spits You Out, And Twelve More Stories To Rub Your Chin To"
November 17, 2013
Who Stole What From Whom?
November 12, 2013
The Gift Of Clownes Wound-Wort
October 14, 2013
Temblor
October 13, 2013
OkayChums.biz
October 6, 2013
I will Never Move To Canada
October 1, 2013
Decide Which Religion Numerology Proves
September 5, 2013
English To Portuguese Dictionary
August 25, 2013
The Bad Word Boyz
August 14, 2013
More Things I Wrote In My Sleep With Bonus Ones From Before
August 9, 2013
Marie-Claire Alain
July 24, 2013
Spot The Air-Travel Nightmare
July 17, 2013
Black Metal Guesses
July 1, 2013
Comparative Literature
June 11, 2013
Fear 'N' Panic: The Mystery Of Horror Mountain
June 9, 2013
Psychoanalytic Primatology
May 23, 2013
The Law Of Noncontradiction Either Is True Or May Be True
May 15, 2013
Die Eggmeister
May 8, 2013
Greek Philosophers And French Organists Are 100% Analogous
April 13, 2013
It's About Bloody Time Cube
April 8, 2013
The Bank Stick-Em-Up
April 1, 2013
March Schmarch
March 21, 2013
Dimension Yellow Dimension
February 20, 2013
To The Readers Of Daily D.D. Literary Magazine
February 17, 2013
Rock Band Bad At Truth
February 17, 2013
I Am A HUGE Dentist
January 29, 2013
¡Find Out Who Defriended You On Facebook!
January 11, 2013
Your Relaxation Tape
December 19, 2012
Around The World In Nine Hours
December 13, 2012
Holiday Eve With The Beach Boys
November 24, 2012
What Does It Means All?
November 21, 2012
The Daily Doofus's Literary Magazine Is Open For Submissions!
November 12, 2012
What's On Le Menu?
November 9, 2012
People's Choice Awards
November 8, 2012
October The Month
October 17, 2012
Astonishing Tales Of The Sea
October 5, 2012
The Ramayana Monkey Chant
September 21, 2012
Things I Wrote In My Sleep
September 9, 2012
Hadea Neon Or: Questions And Answers
September 3, 2012
An Encyclopædic Index Of All Seven Seas
September 1, 2012
The Olympics Are Trying To Get You
August 15, 2012
What A World Of Conditional Sentences!
August 5, 2012
Time Dilation For Children
August 3, 2012
Merch
August 3, 2012
How To Write An Effective Query Letter
July 6, 2012
Sad Grandma
July 5, 2012
I'm Throwing In The Towel
July 3, 2012
Virus Or Web-Hoax?
June 10, 2012
Of The Chewing Dead
June 5, 2012
Wind And Dined
May 28, 2012
We've Gone Viral!
May 14, 2012
Sprinkles The Clown
May 7, 2012
Three Years Of Band Names
May 2, 2012
De Masticatione Mortuorum
April 19, 2012
How About A Movie?
April 14, 2012
Where?
April 13, 2012
Questions Google Can't Answer
April 8, 2012
Garland Of Oak-Leaves
March 23, 2012
I Don't Mean To Impose
March 22, 2012
Michael Davidson 2: Revenge Of Him
March 7, 2012
Nervous Norvus Lyrics World
February 29, 2012
I'm In A Band Name
February 20, 2012
The Big Break
February 16, 2012
The Smiler At The Foot Of The Bed
January 27, 2012
Who?
January 20, 2012
Centenarian Longevity Tips
January 16, 2012
Just A Lighthearted Lark
January 14, 2012
Heaven's Gate
January 11, 2012
Cocteau Twins -
Hot Download
January 4, 2012
2011 Roundup
January 2, 2012
A Halloween Ball
December 21, 2011
You Can Catch Me In The Amazon
December 21, 2011
Pyongyang
December 18, 2011
Which U.S. Presidents adhered most faithfully to National Socialism?
December 18, 2011
It's A Hell Of A Town
December 16, 2011
The 'Sults
December 9, 2011
Trainsformer: A Memoir
December 7, 2011
Let's Make Money
December 2, 2011
Get To Know Yourself
November 26, 2011
The Tale Of Michael Davidson The Turkey Egg (Now With "Fascinating" Illustrations!)
October 31, 2011
What Is A Pud?
October 19, 2011
Why Am I In This Book?
October 12, 2011
Google Maps Directions From Cork To Lashkar Gah
October 5, 2011
Face Stealer
September 30, 2011
The Stocks
September 30, 2011
Animal Re-runs
September 15, 2011
Has Counting Got You Down?
August 31, 2011
Commercialization
August 29, 2011
East Coast Death Shake
August 24, 2011
Word For Your Mother
August 18, 2011
Religious Bumper Stickers
August 8, 2011
My Rap
July 15, 2011
I Made Sudan History, And As A Result, Am A Historian
July 9, 2011
Thirty-Three Stories A Teenager Wrote
June 21, 2011
Haiku Fury
June 1, 2011
Super Moon
May 31, 2011
Seven Superstitions
May 13, 2011
An Explanation, Confession, Apology
May 12, 2011
Going In Circles
April 29, 2011
Over Eight Dozen Posts
April 20, 2011
Carbon Gangrene Disease
April 18, 2011
Revenge Of The Ghosts
April 10, 2011
Where Are The Hits Going?
April 5, 2011
Back To Work
April 3, 2011
I Will Post What You Send Me
March 22, 2011
The Hamafoan
March 23, 2011
Twenty Questions
March 22, 2011
An Optical Illusion
March 20, 2011
Choose Your Own Adventure
February 21, 2011
The Doofie Awards
February 21, 2011
Sea Animals Named After Land Plants
February 19, 2011
Jehan Alain Is A Hundred
February 7, 2011
Hate Mail
January 27, 2011
Poetry Contest
January 13, 2011
My Highly Polished Resume
January 11, 2011
"Just Joking"
January 10, 2011
Eliza and Me
January 8, 2011
Frequently Asked Questions
January 4, 2011
How To Get Robbed
December 30, 2010
Pet Peeve Samplers
December 29, 2010
Spider Scariness-Bigness Ratio Index
December 29, 2010
The Big Move
December 20, 2010
Milk Adventure
December 15, 2010
Malédiction Des Petits Gâteaux
December 3, 2010
Bonne Sœur Allemande
November 28, 2010
A Comic Strip
October 13, 2010
Squashed Blossoms
October 5, 2010
All Rainy
September 3, 2010
Visit My Website, Damn It
August 23, 2010
Proof Of Global
Cooling
August 18, 2010
My Trip To The Dentist
August 8, 2010
How To Dismantle The Patriarchy
August 7, 2010
Why not these words?
July 26, 2010
Introducing the iBex!
July 3, 2010
Summer Snow?
June 30, 2010
A Lifelike Portrait Of Johnson Mudde
June 29, 2010
My Trip To The Mariana Trench
June 28, 2010
Your Future
June 27, 2010
Why Not Pay More To Have Less?
June 23, 2010
The Structure Of Alien Jexts
June 13, 2010
Summertime Quiz
June 8, 2010
Made-Up Origins Of Well-Known Idioms
June 7, 2010
Bearded Stranger
May 2, 2010
Throat Threat
April 20, 2010
The Post After That
April 19, 2010
The Final Post
April 15, 2010
I Am an Arp
April 7, 2010
Witty Repartee With Eliza
April 1, 2010
Eliza: Robo-Psychiatrist
March 28, 2010
Corporate Slogan Generator
March 28, 2010
The Most Extremely Comical Post Yet
March 26, 2010
Fresh Night
March 22, 2010
The Haunted Post
March 22, 2010
Learn to Count to Forty Seven in Latin
March 14, 2010
A Collection Of Most Useful Homophones For The Readers' General Perusal
March 10, 2010
Marine Animal Love Poetry
March 3, 2010
The Same Flash Cartoons As Before
February 28, 2010
Four Jokes
February 27, 2010
Fatted Calf
February 25, 2010
The Unpleasant Truth
February 1, 2010
A Message From My Hand
December 30, 2009
What They Say In "I Am A Horse"
December 30, 2009
Killer Klouds From Outer Space
December 30, 2009
The Story Of The Vivian Girls, In What Is Known As The Daily Doofus
December 21, 2009
A Retraction And An Apology To You
November 27, 2009
Happy National Meaninglessness Month!
November 22, 2009
The Official Lyrics To Dieche Again
October 12, 2009
Locked In A Church
October 6, 2009
Another List You're Quite Intelligent Enough To Appreciate
September 30, 2009
Get A Migraine Today!
September 2, 2009
EXTRÆ, EXTRÆ, I'm Correct As Heck!
August 26, 2009
Johnson Mudde
August 26, 2009
Random Bible Passages
August 22, 2009
Facebook Is Making You Awkward
August 21, 2009
Sexism Is Good
August 12, 2009
The Big 'Creep'
August 11, 2009
Peasantry Death Register (Featuring An Impressive Table!)
August 10, 2009
Pictures Of Attractive People
August 8, 2009
A Punctual Update
August 7, 2009
The Death Of Civilization
August 3, 2009
Purchase College
August 2, 2009
How to Name Your Non-Fiction Book
August 1, 2009
Months Rock
July 31, 2009
Band Names To Guarantee Success
July 30, 2009
Writing Is Fun
July 29, 2009
The Story Of Pump
July 28, 2009
Songs to Memorize Compulsively
July 27, 2009
Marquis de Sade
July 26, 2009
Bottom Worst
July 25, 2009
I Want To Go Out With La Bolduc
July 24, 2009
Top Ten
July 23, 2009
Two Sick Flatterers Meet In The Woods
July 22, 2009
The Sex Gang Children
July 21th, 2009
Flashington
July 20th, 2009
Being Smart Is Stupid
July 19th, 2009
