People Were Dumb In The Past And Are Smart Now

Let's use archive.org to make fun of the past:

This is what whitehouse.gov looked like on December 27, 1996. Note the astoundingly helpful header and footer which say [Library header] and [Footer icon]. I be mean to President Bill Clinton, who on December 27, 1996 was likely celebrating either the feast of St. Maximus or his own November 5th victory over Bob Dole and Ross Perot by drinking Christmas Beverage out of their skulls. Perhaps this is why his website looks so bad, even though his administration was less bad than the current administration, which ought to offer me publicity for making fun of them. Keep in mind that if this ultra advanced and good website is too much for your computer, you can go to whitehouse.gov's "text version."

This is what who.int, the website of the World Health Organization, looked like on December 6, 1998. Most notable is the tiled background image of a concerned child gazing at a hand plunging a long, long needle into an ampoule bearing unreadable and yet vital-looking text. I am not at all versed in critical photographic theory, and even I know that the word best describing this image is "DREAD."

This is what mtv.com looked like on May 12, 1996. Note the hyperlink to the music review section of the website: "FYI... our reviews of the latest from Hootie, L.V. & more." Everybody knows what's being omitted from "Hootie," but what does "L.V." stand for? Surfing to the hyperlink offers no answers. The only words beginning with the letter L on that page are "London" and "Los," and the only word beginning with the letter V there is "Various."

Some musician in 1996 was so famous that they were referred to on MTV online's main page, and they were so famous that only their initials were required. Luther Vandross? It just doesn't say. If they're talking about Large Variety, aka L.V., whose debut album, "I am L.V." was released in 1996, maybe they should actually have a review or something about him. FYI... there's no Hootie review, either.

This is what apple.com's website looked like on October 22, 1996. I hereby make fun of all the broken images festooning their homepage; charity would suggest that maybe archive.org lost the image files, and if you actually had gone on the website that day you'd see "powerbook_102196," "whatshot," "earnings_101896," and "learning_101896.gif," but large businesses have little use for charity. However, if you'd like to find out for sure what the status was on that day, feel free to send an email to webmaster@apple.com

This is nasa.gov's website from June 5, 1997. It appears that easy access to alien technology assisted NASA's website in advancing to a higher evolutionary level than their competitors. I'm mainly referring to the technology required to insert twelve hyperlinks into a single .gif file. At the top left of the image there appears to be a portrait of notable space alien George W. Bush. Is it him, "aliens predict US President" style, or is it then-NASA administrator Dan Goldin, who looks nothing like that?

Finally, here is knife.com on November 8, 1996, which hadn't been updated in six months. Today the website is on sale for a minimum of $200,000, but on that day you could read more than one Knife FAQ, enjoy other knife-related websites, or peruse knife.com's affiliate, "Bladen's Knife Catalog."

"I don't have room to make fun of simplistic websites because my website is simplistic."