Wonderful 'Sults

So here is the feedback I've received from you, the viewers. I have to put all the responses up because I promised I would is the reason I'm doing it.

1. If you wished to conquer somewhere, and be the head of state, where would you choose, and why?

Frank Bunne of Ocean Beach, Nebraska: Troy, because Helen is sah-mokin'

Bob Poppe of Dogsteak.com: I would "steak" over Cabo Polonio, because I am an architect who finds the structures there aesthetically pleasing.

Iasane Z. Bloss of Bloughville, Bolivia: Georgia. Because I always grew up with other kids making Alabamians the butt of all their jokes. So I would propose a bill instructing the Department of Education to teach Alabama History for no less than four hours a day to students in grades K-7, plus register for 3 credit hours of Alabama history at all post secondary education institutions. Also, Head start would have to offer coloring worksheets for the Long Leaf Pine, the Yellow Headed Hammer Bird, and Stars Fell on Alabama during the first week in April. Finally, I would ask Alabama politely if they would like to expand their ABC store franchise to my state.

2. Let's pretend you wrote a really, really long poem, and you tell me you did so in casual conversation / sent it to rugtimxii@comcast.net. "What's it about?" I ask. What's your time-saving synopsis? I have to get back to the grind in six minutes.

Frank Bunne: Maybe while my spaghetti is in the microwave I can tell you how my poem utilizes meter to portray hate.

Bob Poppe: I wrote a poem about the plight of the citizens of the newest nation on our planet, South Sudan. It is beautiful, and I sold it to a literary magazine for dozens.

Iasane Z. Bloss: So hey, I wrote this long long poem over the course of my early twenties and hereís what it boils down to: Thereís a swamp. A female named Jamie lives there. A monster truck gets stuck in the mud there when it has a flat tire. Eventually the truck gets reposessed but the the owner gets to keep the flat tire, which goes on the new car, a Taurus. The Taurus cruises off into the snow. Oh and it's all iambic duometer.

The swamp is my early twenties, the female is an ex, the truck is my confidence, and the Taurus and snow thing represents, um, the future.

3. We see an experimental play together where the characters yell at each other the whole time about some obscure philosophical disagreement no one would actually be that passionate about unless they were acting. What comments do you have about the play?

Frank: Yo, I wrote that shit, dude. What do you mean you thought it was pretentious?

Bob: Experimental plays, like any experiment, are sometimes failures.

Iasane: I tried to figure out what the pro-Mencklemann man and the pro-Nietzsche man were yelling about, but it was all Greek to me. Hmmm. Other than that, I loved the part where the lighting dimmed dramatically and the first guy just cried for his soliloquy. It tore me to bits.

4. The word "trochee" is an example of an iamb, and the word "iamb" is an example of a trochee. Discuss.

Fran: Erm, dude... "trochee" is... for God's sake. I can't believe I have to explain this AGAIN. "Trochee" is a trochee. It's pronounced TRO-chee. CHROAH-kee. Get it? "Iamb" and "trochee" are both trochees. Sigh.............

Bob : Unfortunately I'm unable to discuss this, on account of my brains are all over the place on account of you just blew them on account of how crazy that is.

Iasa: I thought I could come up with another example of whatever this conundrum represents, but I couldnít. You win.

5. Give an example of a spoonerism which is equally or more meaningful than its origin. (Eg. Tofurkey = faux-turkey)

Bo: Hey, brainiac, how about, yuck froo?

6. A bullet train with over a trillion dollars-worth of plutonium is about to crash into a very very hot surface. If you do not stop the train Israel or Iran will pretend the other sent a nuclear attack against them, and the world will be far more horrible for the rest of your life. If you do stop the train, you will get a trillion dollars, but you will also become the most despotic person humanity has ever known. Your life will soon end unspeakably. Period.

F: Wait, what?

B: I would choose the one that I have the most to gain short-term from. I do not, as a general rule, look more than a week into the future.

I: Obviously, Iíd commission the some Army Rangers to steal the plutonium in a daring bullet-tank manuever, sell it to Georgia at a discount rate, then start and manage hedge fund to grow the procedes back up to a trillion dollars. Finally, I'd funnel my despotism into starting and running with an iron fist a kidís chess camp for the sons of both combat wounded Iranian and Israeli soldiers to learn that the ultimate competition isnít between countries, religions, imperialist superpowers and righteous standardbearers, or cultures, but between intellects. But no one ever asks me what my plan for world peace is, so nevermind.

Duly Noted