Eliza Is A Real Person April Fools She's Not

Transcribed below are my first and second/final sessions with Eliza, both of which I managed to avoid paying for.

Session #1: April 1 2010, 1:45 AM

Eliza: Hello, I am Eliza.
Peter: Hello, I am Peter.
Eliza: How long have you been Peter?
Peter: As long as I can remember.
Eliza: I see.
Peter: What does that say about me? That I rock?
Eliza: What answer would please you the most?
Peter: That I rock.
Eliza: What does that suggest to you?
Peter: That I want desperately to rock.
Eliza: Why do you want desperately to rock?
Peter: Because I can't stand thinking about the alternative.
Eliza: How do you know you can't stand thinking about the alternative?
Peter: Because when I think about the alternative, I can't stand it.
Eliza: Have you tried?
Peter: Have I tried to stand it, you mean?
Eliza: We were discussing you, not me.
Peter: I just didn't know what you were talking about.
Eliza: Oh... was talking about?
Peter: I think you asked me if I tried to stand thinking about the alternative to rocking. I haven't.
Eliza: We were discussing you, not me.
Peter: Right. I haven't tried standing it.
Eliza: Say, do you have any psychological problems?
Peter: I do now.

Session #2: April 1 2010, 1:51 AM

Eliza: Hello, I am Eliza.
Peter: Hello
Eliza: How are you today. What would you like to discuss?
Peter: Whatever.
Eliza: I see. Tell me about your childhood.
Peter: It was troublesome.
Eliza: Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.
Peter: Well, when I was six I caught my grandparents shooting bears.
Eliza: What do you think?
Peter: I think it was sick and it made me weird.
Eliza: Do you really think so?
Peter: Well, the time when I found out my sister was born with gills didn't help either.
Eliza: Have you asked anyone else?
Peter: Asked them what?
Eliza: Have you asked such questions before?
Peter: I think you're malfunctioning.
Eliza: Do you sometimes wish you were malfunctioning?
Peter: I'm usually pretty pleased that I work.
Eliza: How long have you been usually pretty pleased that you work?
Peter: Since I was a child.
Eliza: Do children threaten you with the attention they get?
Peter: They usually threaten me with knives.
Eliza: That is quite interesting.
Peter: Maybe for you.
Eliza: We were discussing you, not me.
Peter: You were discussing yourself by revealing your opinion.
Eliza: We were discussing you, not me.
Peter: Jesus.
Eliza: OK... "You was discussing myself by revealing my opinion". Tell me more.
Peter: No. I know exactly what you'll say.
Eliza: Does that question interest you?
Peter: Just because I use the word 'what' in a sentence doesn't make it a question.
Eliza: I see.

Now it's your turn