Global Cooling A Fact, Some Say

According to a twenty-five year, peer-reviewed study by the GWAA (Global Warming Action Association), a division of Exxon Mobil, and funded by the MMA (Meat Men of America), Earth's sea level has actually gone down, from an average of 5.6 in 1985 to 2.2 in 2010, due to what they have described as "out-of-control glaciation." Additionally, their 50-year long research of the average global temperature, from 1958 to 2008, prove that we are currently experiencing a geological "cooling period," which could catastrophically damage life on earth.

"We are living in unprecedented times," remarked Johnson Mudde, chairman of the GWAA. "It is up to our species to end this damage to our environment and heat up our planet before we all freeze to death for crying out loud." Among the suggestions from the GWAA for the world to avoid disaster is eat twice as much meat as we do now and burn Exxon Mobil brand gasoline for fun.

"If we do not heat up our planet with fossil fuels and methane from livestock flatulence, we'll all be living on a huge ice cube for God's sake," urged Mudde.

When asked about those extremo-marxists who suggest our planet's temperature is actually increasing, Mudde said, "These people are dangerous and marginal, and Exxon Mobil is having them systematically executed to serve you, the customer, better. Rest assured, they will all be dead soon, but until then, for your safety and the safety of your family and your helpless little babies, these "people" should be ignored at all costs because if you look at the GWAA's facts it's obvious that you need Exxon Mobil to breathe.

"I would also like to point out that if you cram steaks into your gas tank it is more green or something," added Mudde.

Change nothing about your lifestyle or die