Why Did They Have To Believe Me?

To continue my eleven year-long stint of acting fourteen and to indulge my unnecessary contempt for dense blocks of jargon I don't understand, I wrote to Ford Car people about my fictional son Boswell's interest in a post-war automobile and realize by their recent response that I did a bad thing. Here is my nonsense followed by a sincere thanks to my made-up son and an advertisement they sent along with it.

Peter "Saunders"
To: The Ford Motor Company
Subject: Help Me With A Car
Date: Tue, 7 Oct 2014 2:16 AM

Dear Ford,

My twenty year old son Boswell just got back from the war for good and wants to celebrate with one of your automobiles. He has specific tastes, however, and I want to surprise him. Which product of yours has the best powertrain miles? I'm also curious about your Ecoboost trailer tow package. Does that include the twin turbo engine with the drivetrain components, or do I need to add the compression stroke for the full build? Boswell is a real camshaft snob: should I splurge on the premium oil sump, or would that give the crankshaft too much pull? Need some help here!

Peter Saunders
123 Bing Bong Street
Kansas City, MO, 64109

To: Peter "Saunders"
Subject: Re: Help Me With A Car
Date: Sat, 18 Oct 2014 10:29 AM

Dear Mr. Saunders,

Thank you for contacting Ford Motor Company. We appreciate the time you have taken to write us.

We are grateful to your son for the service that he has provided to our country and we will be happy to help him celebrate by getting him into a new Ford. From what you have mentioned, it sounds like you are interested in the Built Ford Tough F-150, which is available with a turbo-charged 3.5L EcoBoost V6. This engine is included in our factory powertrain warranty, which is good for 5 years / 60,000 miles. For further assistance, we suggest speaking with the service department at your preferred Ford dealership.

Thank you again for contacting Ford Motor Company.


Marketing Program Headquarters
Ford Motor Company

Is the fact that despite my best efforts they actually thought of a truck that seemed to fit into my word salad the sad part? Is it the fact that I made up a veteran and someone had every reason to believe he was real? Is it that I feel guilty for commiting a free lie against a large exhaust company? Is it that I have a Ford commercial on my website? I think mainly it's the idea of buying a big car to celebrate a return from bloody foreign horrors, and I'm the dope who came up with that part. Oops!

The one good aspect of this entire sorry affair is that Boswell is in fact profoundly beyond harm's reach.

Just when I need him most