Sex Gang Songs You Should Become Obsessed With

Since I’m a member of the people my age, this time on D. Doofus I’m going to tell you the intimate details of the best songs that any four humans who were collectively known as the Sex Gang Children have ever produced.

1. German Nun: Is the second track on the album “Song and Legend.” As far as I can tell, this song is about a sexually frustrated nun who has sinful fantasies about her husband Jesus. I’m not sure I’ll ever be completely without the line, “And when you close your eyes, stretchy fingers reach down and caress your thighs! Caress your thighs! Caress your thighs!”

2. Dieche: (pronounced, throughout the song, as “DEE-chee”) is about, if Andi Sex Gang is to be believed, an acquaintance of his very skilled hairdresser who had committed arson and murder and went on the lam. Dieche evokes more disquiet in me than pretty much any other song on earth. One of the many attributes that puts it in the “genius” category is the use of that creepy xylophone. It’s easy to imagine that it’s actually a ribcage being tapped when you hear it. There are two versions of Dieche, this inferior-ish “remix” that has a sample from the Exorcist in the beginning, which is on a ton of compilations, and the original, the B-side of their “Into the Abyss” single, which is simply the Sex Gang Children at their creepiest.

3. Cannibal Queen: Again, there are two versions, the inferior one on Song and Legend, and the ass-kicking one on the “Beasts” EP. It is about some kind of incestuous blasphemy party, as can be inferred from when he goes: “Screwing your sister in the hall with the lights off, nail your wrists to the wall, this is the Cath-o-lic party bah-oh-wah-oh-wah-all!”

4. Children’s Prayer: This song really flaunts the strange reality of Andi Sex Gang’s high, high voice. He says “Hello dear father ah-AHHHHeeee pray to theeee, mummy and daddy ah-AHHHHre lying to meeee,” like he just got punctured with a needle.

But you are home