Bottom Worst

For the sake of contrast, and because no cliché-worthy web log is complete without a list of things written specifically to bitch about, here are my negative, absolute worst, bottom few (I’m not going to write ten things because most things that suck I don’t waste my mind having an opinion about beyond “they suck”).

-10. People who immediately assume every vegetarian they meet wants to drop everything and preach to them: I hate these people because that's actually what they want, they’re begging to be preached to by vegetarians. The truth is, most people who don’t eat meat also don’t care what you eat any more than we care when your birthday is. The vegetarians who are too preachy dumbly increase omnivores’ desire to eat meat, usually as a matter of spite, and because they’re paying attention to the trivial details of some stranger’s diet and feeding their already morbidly obese egos. I'd like to say they piss me off too, but if it weren't for them I would only have two things to hate.

If you eat meat and you secretly want me to tell you to stop, you’d probably be much more satisfied instead to write to PETA and tell them that you’re performing cunnilingus on a hamburger. I’m not interested in what you eat.

-9. Anti-Intellectuals: I guess I don’t care if someone is stupid, but it becomes dangerous when they actively hate and distrust people who aren't. If stupid people weren’t comforted by George Bush’s bulging brain tumor, if they weren’t lulled to sleep by his implication that if being stupid is good enough for the president, it’s good enough for some idiot who voted for him, human society wouldn’t have begun to fall to ruin last year. This is your fault, all you stupid-and-proud yabbos. It's not surprising, of course, stupid people can’t understand that stupid people make stupid decisions.

-8. I always hated when people my age said they wished they lived in the sixties. What they really mean is, “I smoke marijuana and listen to flaccid hippy music.” I like to think of what these soft creatures would do if all their friends got sent to Vietnam, were caught in the middle of a race riot, and experienced the murders of John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King. All so they could go to Woodstock, “man.”

For some reason a lot of people my age think they’re hippies. Many of them have not been to any protests, are not sixty years old, and do absolutely nothing hippies did except listen to awful ‘folk’ (‘folk’ as in, the fruitball with the acoustic guitar, not ‘folk’ as in La Bolduc), do drugs, and ass around until they need money.

I learned a portmanteau the other day, “trustafarians.” You probably know one or two, they’re rich white youngsters who smoke pot all day, play their freaking acoustic guitar at the local food co-op, and generally act more profound than they ought to. A good thing that can be said about trustafarians is that they aren't normally very bad for the environment, except where their vast emissions of pot smoke are concerned.

I guess everything else is fine. Remember to keep fast aclick